And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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