Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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