he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
