i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Randomize
