Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
