I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
