I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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