i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
