My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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