I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
