I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
