morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize