i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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