Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
