he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
