didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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