just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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