She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
