dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
