Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
