just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Found the puke drawer
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
