I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
