chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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