I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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