Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize