DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
