I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
