apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
