Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
