The brown eye won't let me do that either.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
did you just send me my own nude
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
