I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
