She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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