I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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