Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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