My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
