Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
