I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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