They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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