i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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