Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I party with great urgency now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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