Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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