i think my tv is drunk
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You've changed since you got that strap on
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
