Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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