i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
