Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
