guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
