I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
