it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
