you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
