Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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