i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
