Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
