Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
