why didn't you poke me back
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
