she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
