i don't like sucking hair
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
