booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
