A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
