He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
