What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
