I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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