just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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