I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
try to milk me bitch
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
