and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
