Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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