On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
