there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
