he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
