Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
