so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
