I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
