she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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