Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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