yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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