the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize