Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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